Wethula izinkulumo aveza kuzo amaqiniso ngokuhlukumezeka kwakhe emshadweni
OWESIFAZANE osekhulile, osebe nguthishelakazi iminyaka engu-32, odabuka endaweni yase Nondweni eNquthu, uthathe isinyathelo sokuthi agonyuluke, akhulume ngempilo yakhe emva kokuhlukumezeka emshadweni wakhe.
UNkk Nozipho Mabaso uqale lo mkhankaso ngenhloso yokugqugquzela abantu besifazane nabesilisa abashadile ukuthi baphumele obala, bayisho into ebahlupha emphefumlweni ngoba uyalapheka uma uyikhiphela ngaphandle. Umkhankaso ka Nozipho usukhule kangangokuba usumhlanganise ikakhulukazi nabantu besifazane abaningi abanezinkinga ezahlukahlukene, kanye nabo abesilisa abahlukumezekile.
Uthi okumthokozisa kakhulu uma ethula izinkulumo zakhe, ukubona abantu abaningi beba nesibindi sokukhuluma ngokukhululeka, bakhiphe okungaphakathi kubona, bafunde futhi nakwabanye, okubenza bakwazi ukuxazulula izinkinga ababhekene nazo.
Elandisa ngodaba lwakhe, uNozipho uthi uqhamuka emndenini okholwayo, njengoba uBaba wakhe engu Mfundisi, uMama wakhe engu Mkhokheli. “Ngamukele insindiso ngisemncane kakhulu. Kuthe uma kufika isikhathi sokuthi ngishade, ngakhethwa khona ebandleni la esasikhonza khona. Ekuqaleni kwawo, umshado wami wawuhamba kahle. Izimpawu zoshintsho kumyeni wami ngazibona emva kwezinyanga ezintathu (3) sishadile, ngikhulelwe ingane yethu yokuqala.
“Waqala lapho, wangikhombisa ubuyena bangempela. Ngelinye ilanga wafika ekhaya ehamba nowesifazane angitshela ukuthi u ‘Dade’ ababesebenza naye esontweni, kwazise naye wayengu Mfundisi. Ngakholwa yilokho. Kodwa ngavuleka amehlo emva konyaka ngibelethe umntwana wethu, nalapho okwavela khona ukuthi lo ambiza ngo ‘Dade’ nje, intombi yakhe kanti nayo yayikhulelwe ingane yakhe. Ngangizulelwa ikhanda kulezo zinsuku ngoba kwakuyinto engangingayicabangi nakancane ukuthi ingangehlela. Kwangifikela nokuthi ngizibulale, kodwa ngangakwenza, ngavele ngaqoqa okungokwami, ngabuyela ekhaya.”
Ngokusho kwakhe, umshado wakhe iwona owamlethela izinkinga eziningi empilweni njengoba eke wahlala ekhaya izinyanga ezintathu (3) ngenxa yokhwantalala (depression). “Umntwana wami kusukela esemncane, wayengikhalela, aze asho amazwi ayeba buhlungu kimina athi, uBaba akasithandi.”
Ekuhambeni kwesikhathi, wabuya umyeni wakhe, wafike waxolisa, wacela babuyelane. “Ngoba ngangisamthanda, ngabuyela kuyena, sashada isibili. Akuphelanga ngisho iviki sishade kabusha, kwasuka lokho, waqala wafonelwa yizintombi ubusuku nemini. “Ngangithi useshintshile, kanti angibuzanga elangeni. Ngiyake ngithi kwakuzoba ngcono ukube wayeqonywa angifihlele, kodwa yena yonke into yakhe wayeyenza ihlale obala. Ngokubona lesi siphithiphithi ayesenza futhi, ngathatha isinqumo sokuthi ngihlukane naye.”
UNozipho uyakufakazela ukuthi emandulo, nakuba oKhokho bethu babeqonywa, kuzalelwana nezingane, kodwa kwakufihlwa, kuhlonishwa. “Okwakwenziwa kumina kwakungiphula inhliziyo kakhulu. Ngiyake ngithathe ngokuthi umyeni wami wayengasangihloniphi nakancane ngendlela ayesenza ngayo izinto phambi kwami. Okunye okungiphatha kabi ukuthi izimo ezifana nalezi zibuye zihlukumeze nabantwana okuyake kuphethe ngokuthi umntwana akhule enodlame oluthile (aggression) noma azimbandakanye kwizidakamizwa ngenxa yesimo asibona kubazali.”
UNozipho uyakuvuma ukuthi kuningi ukuhlukumezeka okwenzekayo emishadweni, ikakhulukazi kubantu besifazane. “Kubalulekile ukuthi ubudlelwano bakho ubuthandazele busasuka nje phansi; ungahehwa ukubukeka komuntu, imali yakhe noma indlela enza ngayo izinto. Ngenkathi ukhuleka kuMdali, uzokubonisa ukuthi lomuntu osha amashushu ngaye ukulungele noma cha. Mina ngibonile ukuthi noma umuntu wesilisa angaba nemali engakanani, noma angaba uMfundisi, kodwa lokho akusho lutho – uma efuna ukwenza into, uyayenza, angabi nandaba. Mina nomyeni wami sasivumelene ngokuthi siyokwakha ikhaya, siqhube umsebenzi ka Nkulunkulu ndawonye uma sesishadile – kodwa izinto azenzekanga kanjalo.”
Uqhube wathi, ngokwe Sintu, inhlonipho ibalulekile uma ungumuntu wesifazane. “IBhayibheli liyasho ukuthi, ‘bafazi, thobelani amadoda enu’, libuye lithi, ‘hlonipha uyihlo nonyoko ukuze insuku zakho zande ezweni’. Lokhu kuchaza ngokusobala ukuthi inhlonipho ibaluleke kangakanani. Ngakho ngisho kungathiwa umamezala wakho ukuphethe kabi kanjani, akumele umphakamisele ikhanda noma izwi, ngoba ekugcineni, naye ungumzali. Into engiyigqugquzela kakhulu ukuthi abantu abangafeli ngaphakathi. Yingakho ngicela abantu besifazane abasemishadweni ukuthi bangazibulali, isimo sabo singaxazululeka. Into esiyake siyenze ukubaqwashisa ngezinto ezahlukene abangazizama ukugcina imishado yabo.”
Kulezi zinsuku, uNozipho weluleka abesilisa nabesifazane abahlukumezekile emishadweni nalabo abangashadile kodwa abathandanayo. Uyamenywa nasemicimbini njengesikhulumi esiphezulu (guest speaker).
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UNozipho uyatholakala ngocingo ku: 083 434 2830.
UDABA LUBHALWE U BONGANE MOTAUNG (E NQUTHU)
